tap tap tap tap... huh?

Since when did the computer take over as the new preferred communications medium? When did it become policy to text information rather than simply call the person? When did it become more important to tap tap tap away on your keyboard rather than pay attention to what's going on around you?

So many times my beautiful and talented spouse has texted me a question, came home, and asked for an answer to a question I never recieved. "Don't you check your texts?" is asked to me. Well, considering the pants I wore yesterday still contain my cell-phone and are hap-hazardly lumped on the floor of our bedroom, I'd say no. Is it normal now to carry your cell at all times? If so, Verizon should get off their lazy butts and create a waterproof phone. Never know when I might recieve critical information while I'm washing whats left of my hair.

Oh great and glorious computer! Perveyor of the Facebook and Twitter. Thou art the bringer of vital news and jaywalkers being socked in the face. Why, then, must we pay attentioin to this cruel world around us which lacks a 'post' button! Cruelty! Cruelty is this reality thing that will not update me when my friend in Chicago finds a butterfly that looks like Elvis, or when Tom in Cleveland finds a club that's 'off the hizzle.' I propose to you, oh wise collection of circuits and processors, that you be the one to dictate my day to day operations so I may shut out everything that the harshness of life brings. Therefore, I must go. Jenny posted a pic of her ugly dog on Myspace and said I must check it out, and just now something flashed on the screen offering 20% off something called Extenze. Hmm.... looks like my day is planned!

First time blogger

Ok, so how long before this gets old? Didn't expect that, did you? Well, I'm the type of guy that only takes on tasks that have definate reason, or have the prospect of having an outcome that shines in my favor (and occassionally the favor of others). Currently, I see none of either in blogging.

Some folks may say I'm selfish or self-centered; I just think I'm calculated and precise. Besides, I've been known to drop a few quarters in the Jimmy Fund can at the convience store or take that 'quick' phone survey that last an hour and a half just because the woman at the other end sounded lonely and depressed. Both those things really don't benefit me, but I did them anyway. Point proven.

Anyway, back to blogging. My beautiful wife Crystal, whom I've been married to these past nine years, created a blog on this very website. I decided to give it a try because ranting at my wife all the time became, well, old. This way, I can subject all of you (or just you) to my warped sences of achievement.

My goal for this blog is to shed some light on my innermost workings for my dear friends, and to totally offend the rest of you. If you have typed letters to your congressman stored in you filing cabinet ready to go with the offenders name and type of insult blank, I suggest you close your web browser now and hire someone to get your groceries for you, because not only shouldn't you read my blog, you probably shouldn't venture out into the world for a last minute roll of toilet paper.